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Posts Tagged ‘Soulmate’

Edit: I get the feeling she might be interested but is really scared. I got crazy waves of affection. She may really like me but either doesn’t know how I feel or doesn’t know how to handle it. The guys at work are usually talking about women sexually and maybe shes not that type of girl for a 1 night fling. I’m overthinking this but when you’re hit by consistent waves of feelings and a throbbing headache you cant help but wonder. So ill take it easy and when shes ready I’ll be waiting for her.

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I managed to find out my crush’s name which I wont mention for privacy but it seems she’s not very interested because soon as she mentioned her name she ran off to go talk to this other guy.

Now there can be other reasons why she did this but the fact she did may be because shes interested in this other guy which I will respect. And while talking to a couple of my co workers they seem to think we’d make a great couple but I mentioned yeah that would be nice if she didn’t seem frightened or not interested so I told them that I want to take it easy and just say hello in the morning.

Of course I’ve been getting headaches and a sense there was a connection between us so I figured there was something. The problem and this goes back to being forgiven was the fact I kept avoiding her. Early on when i first met her there was an instant connection. I just ignored it. Yes shes also very attractive but I didn’t notice it until I kept bumping into her. She seemed to be interested because she would seemingly search for me and I just didn’t see it until it was too late. Then I ignored her for several weeks then that’s when I gained an interest in her.

But it’s been a struggle ever since. And this last attempt just showed me that it’ll be easier just to say hello. Pushing it will only push her further way and eventually be the runner. So I’m just going to leave it be. Co workers think we would be a good couple so there is hope there. I just dont want to stress over it anymore.

Maybe one day she’ll open herself up to me or maybe those co workers will find a way. Until then I’m not going to run anymore. I also have to stop worrying and overthinking this. All I can do is wait for her. If not, well soulmates are like 1 in a million and considering the fact I felt an instant connection, really strong vibes and headaches (actually that’s a very good sign according to one of my blogger friend) I think if she left my life.. i may never find someone as amazing as her and she is very amazing. But I dont know how to get her into some sort of relationship. We barely talk. I know shes great looking and has a nice car and shes really nice. And I just know she is amazing due to the strong unspoken bond I have with her. I can talk to other women and while they may be very attractive there is no bond. No this is the first woman I met where I feel complete with her.

The problem is how to break the silence of a perfect relationship. Maybe she feels it too and is scared. Prayers for both of us that we can become closer together.

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Well it appears that my crush is no longer afraid of me, I’m hoping that. Noticed she was wearing makeup and this past week after seeing her I’ve been feeling a sense of euphoria.

Does this mean she likes me? At this point it I really hope so because it’s going to be impossible for me to try asking her to lunch again.. for fear she might do the same thing again. So I’m going to take it easy. If she really wants to do lunch, I really hope she finds a way.

Otherwise anytime i see her I’ll try to find out her name and that way anytime i see her I’ll call her by name then. Its looking good now and hope she understands that I want to take things slowly. I dont want to scare her off again. So I’m going to try to coax her that maybe she can hint she wants lunch with me.

Until then I hope it all works out. Definitely need prayers on this. Got to figure out what she wants me to do that I feel comfortable with.

Edit: On the note about basically asking her to lunch is near impossible, its doubtful she’ll try (unless shes really that interested enough to do something) or shes seeing/has someone else already. In any case, I’ll be friendly to her and work towards being work friends and maybe she’ll reveal her interest if she is interested. Although its hard to get to know someone when its 30 seconds of passing by and that’s if it’s a regular thing.

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So yes another blog about the woman at work that I got a crush on, and actually i think it’s a really crazy for her crush. It’s almost like I’m in love with her…

Let’s back up so the day after I wrote the previous blog I came to the realization that maybe she doesn’t really know where I am at (like i was on vacation or something) so today I came in extra early in the plant she works in to do some odd stuff which was just putting unground parts into containers to toss onto these shelves we have.

It was still within view so if she walked in she would probably notice me. I also parked my car in the usual spot. I stopped parking there mainly due to the fact I can’t see around the corner to the street but I wanted to see if she knew what car i drove.

Anyways she didn’t do much of anything and I got some intense feelings throughout the morning and it was more intense during her lunch time which was like at 12:30pm

I know I gotta stop overthinking this which may be leading to these feelings, that I’m somehow manifesting them making it seem like she likes me or has some sort of feelings for me.

Unfortunately there are still many possibilities why she didn’t try anything today. She could be scared or not interested. The fact remains is that I may never know because I’m still too scared to just be at my workstation. Unfortunately after she bailed out on our lunch meet this made this problem ten times worse. I’m already uncomfortable and timid around her. The thing is, I really enjoy these feelings. It feels like I am really in love with her. That’s one reason why I’m so scared to do anything. I thought by talking to her more that these feelings would be easier to control. Because when I am around her I dont feel the strong feelings at the moment. The feelings are strongest when we are apart.

But now I’m not even curious to see if shes interested. I keep thinking she isnt even though she appeared to have an interest early on which I was automatically avoiding it. Her staring at me one day really had me thinking she had an interest in me. I avoided and ignored her for like a week before I got the nerve to say hi to her when she passed by my workstation.

A lot of it had to do with me not wanting to take the risk because of my past failures. I may discuss that in another blog but one comes to mind. The one girl who was interested in me wasnt at all what I wanted. Well ok she had big breasts which I liked, however it really stopped right there. She didn’t get along with her family and she didn’t have a positive vibe. Really I didn’t like anything about her. Her personality was dull and it was like hanging out with a guy. She ended up being a stalker.

The woman I like is almost a polar opposite of that. I didn’t even try or care about my stalker. Maybe that’s the problem. I really like this woman it’s making things difficult, but I really would enjoy my crush to stalk me. She sorta did in the beginning but I dont know what happened with that.

So I’m really just confused and unsure. It’s not even that easy for me to find someone I’m interested in and like I said it appeared that she had an interest or maybe it was the fact she noticed I was timid and she just wanted to say hi. Unfortunately the way it appeared to me is that she was interested and tried to get my attention. She sure did and unfortunately I’m obsessing over her. Everytime I try to move on and when I finally almost do, the feelings come back strong.

So yeah dont know what to do now….

If she does like me, it needs to work out somehow. If I’m just obsessing over her and she doesn’t care or whatever then this needs to stop.

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So last week was a struggle for me to move on from my crush, today I just kept thinking a bunch of different things and realized, even if I dont see my crush. Its difficult to move on.

And a few things I wonder, is she really interested and just timid about it like me or is it just me struggling with moving on? The biggest problem is if shes timid she may not try to find me or to seek me out by asking someone at work to help us talk to one another again.

Right now I’m in the other plant just holding out, mainly because I got stuff to do there. But I’m also afraid that I may run out of things to do and I’ll end up having to go to the same plant as her.

I dont want to do that unless I know for sure she likes me.. and at the same time I gotta figure out how to move on. And pretty much the only 2 ways for me to figure that out is either we run into one another or that she tells someone along the lines of telling me “you know this woman is wondering about where you are” or something that signifies that at least she likes my company.

I regret asking her if she wanted to talk during lunch and it just makes me more timid to even find out on my own. Another thing happened today as I was driving to the highway on the way home. I’m not quite sure but I got worked up over it was someone with a SUV that looked like hers (I actually was thinking it was her).

Well this SUV was on a side street waiting to turn and when traffic started moving I went to pass the intersection this driver was turning off of (to the right of me, there was 2 lanes) and then noticed the driver was pulling out. So I added more power to my acceleration to avoid getting hit but ended up stopping. Sure enough they pulled right behind me. I couldn’t see the driver due to the tinted windows. I guess I could have tried looking really hard through the windshield (with my side/rear mirrors) but at that point I think I was a bit worried it was her.

This made things worse because despite hoping it didn’t make things worse, but I feel like I did. Either way I dont feel comfortable being in the other plant. Of course this could have been someone else entirely and I’m just freaking out over nothing.

At this point I really need some prayers because I dont know what to think anymore. If she likes me then I hope she can find some way to get to me, besides sensing her (if I am) and trying to get me into the same plant. It’s not easy for me to figure these things out and often times I get so tired of it, I just find any excuse to avoid it all. I’m very timid when it comes to women I’m interested in and I don’t even know why I am considering I hardly know much about her other than shes attractive and I like the car she drives. That’s certainly not enough to get so worked up over. Its possible that I just had a crush on her for so long and in the beginning she seemed interested (unless she was thinking something else) that I’m just so attached to her already.

I’m not even looking for anyone right now so it’s just all too confusing for me… I keep praying it will all work out.

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I had an idea which can only benefit both ways. I’m rescheduling my hours so I dont run into this woman I’ve been talking about (I dont even know her name, that is how timid I am now). She usually shows up at 5-6am so I’ll work in the plant (plant 5) at 4am to 445am instead of being there at 5. I’ll clock out and work the remainder in plant 4 (considering there is plenty of stuff to do but want to stay there) and wait and see. Maybe she’ll wonder what happened and try to find me which will be really easy.

Otherwise I can just move on at least without having to bear my mistakes in front of me by having more awkward moments and it’ll be more difficult to move on if shes really not interested and I have to see her every so often.

If there was a connection though, she will try to find me as this has happened in the past and I didn’t even speak to those women, but they had a way of popping up in weird locations where basically I end up walking right up to them without even realizing it. Same thing could happen here. It all depends on the person I guess and however long it takes me to forget that person.

Just this time I hope I’m not timid enough to not say anything. Hopefully I’ll smile and have a conversation. It doesn’t stop the fact I’m just terrible with women but perhaps I need to figure out instinctively on what to do. And this is about the only thing I can figure out how to do that while stopping the craziness on whether there really is a connection.

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