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Posts Tagged ‘home buying’

I definitely need a reboot here. I’m getting some of the classic signs, i copied some of the stuff from the link below,

Health problems caused or exacerbated by stress include
Depression and anxiety
Sleep problems
Pain of any kind
Skin conditions, such as eczema

Signs and symptoms of stress overload
Memory problems
Inability to concentrate
Poor judgment
Seeing only the negative
Anxious or racing thoughts
Constant worrying
Anxiety and agitation
Moodiness, irritability, or anger
Feeling overwhelmed
Sleeping too much or too little
Withdrawing from others
Procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities
Nervous habits (e.g. nail biting, pacing)

How much stress is too much?
Because of the widespread damage stress can cause, it’s important to know your own limit. But just how much stress is “too much” differs from person to person. Some people seem to be able to roll with life’s punches, while others tend to crumble in the face of small obstacles or frustrations. Some people even thrive on the excitement of a high-stress lifestyle.

Stress Symptoms, Signs, and Causes

I tend to fall in the crumbling in the face of small obstacles and frustration.

Today i didn’t really want to do much of anything, sure earlier today (or yesterday) i wrote something but among some of the symptoms, i sleep too much. Didn’t really want to do anything, but of course did some shopping at least. Some of it is exhaustion from work but sleeping around 4 hours today? Yeah, it is stress because procrastination and withdrawing from others are some of the others. I don’t think i ever fully recovered from my previous job which was a stress storm of anxiety. I definitely need a reboot and i’m not exactly sure how i’m going to accomplish this. I already am in the process of buying a home and i’m just wondering.. since today was supposed to be my home inspection but now is delayed until Friday i’m just wondering if i’m still able to back out.. but i don’t think i really want to or could really because i do need to get a home closer to work.

It’s really not clear what is causing my stress to be so overwhelming. Sure getting a new home is stressful and my current job is somewhat stressful at times and my father annoys me to no end (hence the previous 2 blog posts). I eat pretty much ok as i have been getting meals from my stepmom and they are pretty healthy stuff, but maybe i could exercise a bit more, although the area i am at now isn’t exactly a good place to go out and walk or ride my bike around. I do get exercise at work. I do struggle with friendships i’m not exactly sure what it is but i can never stay connected with friends for very long and i do tend to isolate myself from people, especially in recent years.

Again i don’t think i fully recovered and maybe taking some time off will do me some good when i get my new place (that’s if i get it, with all these roadblocks in the way). I can’t really be doing this all the time though, when i am off work i am usually just watching tv, which is much better than sleeping.. but on my days off, i generally sleep 2-4 hours during the day which shows i do have a stress/anxiety problem. I definitely need a reboot as i don’t want to continue having to do this on the regular basis. If i need 2-4 hours of sleep every once in awhile it’s no big deal but since this is a regular occurrence i really need something..  while music does help, it only helps to a certain extent and i need to know what will work for me. I really need to figure this out…

I would like to add that this sleeping problem has been an issue since working at my previous job. When i would get 3 days off i would sleep a lot and more than often i would sleep when i wasn’t working. Probably around 12 hours a day (that includes the normal 8 hours). Much of my stress and anxiety happened during my previous job, lack of income and i am thinking that problem hasn’t been entirely gone away or out of force of habit i tend to sleep, although generally if i take a nap it’s because i get tired. Again it’s unclear if it’s a habit or that i am still struggling with stress and anxiety. Of course the stress of buying a new home is there, but since i am nearly done with this only thing that is left is the home inspection and the appraisal, but there is a slight chance i won’t get the home.. which would actually add stress considering now i have to do the process over again of finding a home.. at this point i just want it to be over and done with. Once i get the home the stress levels should go down. I can only hope that it does…

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This is sort of a continuation of the previous article of how some people can create unnecessary problems in their life. One of the biggest reasons you may have problems is that you take on too much that you can really handle. While people may say, God does not give you any more problems than what you can handle, it’s more than likely that these people do not really take on more than they can really handle and only you can really know that. No one else can. Only i can know how much i can handle and this is where we tend to cap ourselves with lesser activities. It’s like the people who are constantly in a rush in heavy traffic. They take on more than what they can really handle and they are always late. It doesn’t even matter if you are rushing or not you will still make it to your destination at the same time. Rushing does nothing other than getting you to work a minute faster and more than likely you’ll be stuck in traffic like the rest of us. Leave earlier and you won’t have either issue.

This is where we end up having unnecessary problems in life. Other reason you may be having problems is you are treating others badly. My father tends to get angry at people and then directs his anger at those people who may or may not have gotten him angry but irregardless, most of the time these people mean well.

Take Carmax for an example, instead of making a formal complaint to the company when he got a problem vehicle that they did not fix, he just blames Carmax and then tells people never to go there. Well that doesn’t really do anything other than hurt everyone working there that may or may not be the actual problem. The company has to suffer because of some bad employees who didn’t follow the company guidelines. If you were sold a car that had some engine or mechanical failures, of course this goes back onto the place you bought it from but by making a formal complaint to the company, they will generally make these changes. If they don’t then the company will then falter. But it’s not really our place to say a company is horrible just because you had a bad experience. If others had a bad experience it’ll be because there is a problem with the company.

Target for an example, had mentioned they open their doors to transgenders and they are allowed to use the bathroom they identify as. A lot of people got angry, hurt Target’s bottom line. If it was just one or two people and they were continually trying to get people to stop going there then that would be an issue. And with a good company, generally you will have anywhere from 1-10% of consumer issues. Really should not hurt the underlying companies reputation especially when all you had to do was make a formal complaint to the company and they could rectify the problem by doing an investigation and either clear up the matter or if an employee is a problem they can either write up a warning or they will be let go depending on the circumstances. Sure it would hurt that employee from having a job but at the same time they were not following the companies guidelines.

In an essence what you do affects other people and often times that can come back on you as Karma. Are we as Christians automatically forgiven for sins such as these? Well, sure but if you are doing it constantly especially with certain people then yes, it’ll come back to you no matter what because you have not learned a lesson here. We are forgiven, but at the same time have to learn from our mistakes. So the next time you get yelled at work, got cut off by someone.. just make sure you are not doing anything to provoke it. It could be Karma getting the best of you. It’s better to be nice and respect everyone because you will get that in return. It is never a good thing to tell someone that life is full of trouble either because then you are also creating unnecessary trouble on those people, if people think life is trouble then they will constantly run into problems.

And this is what i am dealing with because people like my father cannot keep it simple. Life is too short to be constantly worried, stressed out, angry, depressed or whatever it is. Life should not be trouble, life should not be filled with pain, anger and hate. Yet it is, but we have to find ways to shield ourselves from all of that because we have to deal with situations with the least amount of problems associated with it. I certainly do not and cannot deal with problems as they arise unless it’s the only thing i am really focused on. If i got 100 diff problems they are going to be overwhelming because i simply can’t deal with every one of them at once. One thing at a time.

And i really do need a vacation after i get my new home. My realtor just told me my home inspection can’t work because the utilities are not on. So basically i took a day off for nothing.. but at least i have a day off. Do some shopping and talk to my insurance company (hopefully) but if not at least i got a moment of reprieve because i so desperately need it.

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I am that sort of person who does not like dealing with unnecessary stress. In fact i can’t deal with stress period. And already i am dealing with stress on the day to day basis. https://www.stress.org/stress-effects/ 

Already i have some of the symptoms of stress one of them is that i am too tired to deal with daily activities. While i don’t think i am dealing with depression i do sleep often which is related to stress. Now i am struggling with basic tasks like organizing or being able to do activities. I have had this problem for quite awhile so it may be possible that some of my stress symptoms are due to bad habits from being stressed.

However this past month and especially past week i got hit hard with some stressors. It is mostly buying a new home which is actually exciting but also stressful at the same time. Attempting to get the home buying process over and done with isn’t going quick enough, which is fine, because my bank is loaning quite a bit of money and there is stuff in between that has to be dealt with. The very fact that this process is stressful, i rely on other things in life to take it easy on me. However that is remained to be seen.

My father has the tendency to stress me out with 100 annoying questions that i wouldn’t dare to ask let alone, if you think there is no such thing as a stupid question.. let me introduce you to my father. Someone who constantly asks dumb questions such as what are you doing at work today (because i work with him) when he is the one that gives me the jobs, not myself. So now i gotta worry about this on the daily basis. But that wasn’t enough, i now all of a sudden have to take MORE RESPONSIBILITY at work by going to a class for a couple of hours a day. Ridiculous. I didn’t have to take this class, there is nothing to be gained by taking this class and it’s just unnecessary headaches and stress. Now again, i am the type of person who avoids stress and conflict so i am now having a bad time. The reason i left my other job was because of too much stress. I just bought a new home so that’s basically sealing the deal that i require this job or something within the pay capacity of my current job.

I really do regret taking on this job to working with my father and also regretting buying a new home but i had to do this for my cat and myself. I can’t be spending work nights at my parents and sleeping in my parents basement because that’s just going backwards. I want to move forward and live on my own. With my newfound job stress and having to deal with more responsibilities i am now open to finding a roommate (thankfully i bought 2 bedrooms) or rather kinda forced to be open but at the very least i am the manager of the place so if the tenant doesn’t follow certain guidelines i can boot them out. Obviously i will give them some time to relocate, unless of course they are not paying their share of the bills or causing problems for me to the point where they need to be gone immediately. I’d probably search for people at churches as they would be more responsible then someone i’d find off the street or hear of someone in need of a place.

But, i didn’t get my new home just for kicks. I really thought about it and needed it, for my cat since i live further away from work from where i am now going to work. It won’t cost me $12 in gas, more like $5-7 on a daily basis. Anyway i also got it because it has a garage and currently my car is being used as a garage. An extra tire in the trunk, tools, car fluids. Basically i fix my own car with the stuff i need inside the car because living in my apartment 7 stories in the air is too far to keep the stuff inside my apartment. Plus i would forget things like oil and power steering fluid when i need it the most, it’s just easier and more effective to leave it in the car. With a garage though, i can do all the stuff right from there if i need to.

But at this point in time i can’t really deal with a whole lot and getting older, there are things i am just not worrying about and could care less about. I don’t really care about having a relationship with someone i don’t even want kids. And speaking of that it’s pretty selfish to say that someone that doesn’t want kids but will have a pet are mentally ill.

 Having Pets Instead Of Kids Should Be Considered A Psychiatric Disorder
We couldn’t afford to have kids

The absurdity of other people telling people like me that wanting pets over children is a mental illness and who cares if you can’t afford kids, God will provide. Which may be true to an extent. You will end up having to deal with money problems, wondering if next weeks paycheck will keep the food on the table and the roof over your families heads. There are some things that i have done that i wished i hadn’t. Spending my weekly paychecks on new cds and dvds every time i got paid i would go and buy some new cds or even a videogame or two. But at that time i was financially care free. Now i question every purchase i make and if i can’t come up with 5 good reasons why i need it i don’t buy it. If any reasons include, i need to live, i don’t need to come up with any other good reasons. And i like to think i’ve become a pro at managing my money fairly well but that’s only half the battle. It’s whether i can save that money, to put away and don’t touch until i need it for something like a car/home repair. Or perhaps buying a second vehicle, which i am looking at trucks which are not cheap these days. But a truck will be good for winter and they are built to move stuff.

Now, anyway back to kids, stress and anxiety. I automatically would have a major anxiety attack if i found out i have kids. Not that i do have any, but having kids is the biggest responsibility in the world today. Would my father say i could handle that, he would even though i absolutely cannot and would not. It is unnecessary stress, life itself is stressful. But we as humans decide what stressors we deal with. I am one that wants to limit the stress down to the bare minimum. I am that guy that would put the home thermostat at 50°F just to save money on the energy bill. Hey, that’s what we got long sleeve shirts for, just layer up and you’ll still be toasty warm. Maybe wear a hat and a scarf. It’s often used as a fashion statement nowadays. Why the need to spend money on something that you could keep warm with other means. They have these covers for windows to help keep the heat or cool air in. Windows are not very good insulators so there are other methods you can use, such as a blanket or it’s as easy as keeping the blinds closed during the summer and open during the winter times.

We’re not talking about energy savings though and i got a little carried away here but at any rate, sometimes i just want to scream at the sky asking God to stop giving me stressful situations because i don’t want it. I almost want to just take the money i do have and go live in the forest. All i’d have to worry about is getting food, shelter, heat, a way to keep cool and the rest of the time i’d be spending fishing or enjoying the great outdoors. Why does modern living have to include so much stress? Life is really too short to be stressed out all the time or even some of the time. It isn’t fun and stress is harmful to your body. And i believe i already hit anxiety levels which is when you are stressed to the max. I may have an anxiety disorder, i don’t know.. maybe perhaps i should see a doctor about that. According to this article,

If you identify with any of the following 7 signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder:

Are you constantly tense, worried, or on edge?
Does your anxiety interfere with your work, school, or family responsibilities?
Are you plagued by fears that you know are irrational, but can’t shake?
Do you believe that something bad will happen if certain things aren’t done a certain way?
Do you avoid everyday situations or activities because they cause you anxiety?
Do you experience sudden, unexpected attacks of heart-pounding panic?
Do you feel like danger and catastrophe are around every corner?

Anxiety Disorders and Anxiety Attacks

I am only this way when i am stressed, i get tense, worried and on edge. I am plagued by fears and i often avoid situations or activities because they can cause anxiety. This mostly includes new things i am not familiar with. But again, these problems only occur if i am stressed out. If i get stressed out, anxiety soon follows and this week was a clear cut sign that i have been stressed to the point of anxiety levels. When i was driving home yesterday, i was venting my frustration and anger towards my father for signing up for things i am not comfortable handling. Soon after driving people were getting into a rush and this guy went around me when i moved to his lane. I was feeling road rage then. I wanted to tail this guy and honk at him but i did restrain myself from doing it but regardless i was still feeling the urge to road rage. It wasn’t just this guy but others and i had to try to calm myself down, i just wanted to get home.

I do see this as a clear cut sign that i just can’t handle dealing with stress. It’s better off that i don’t deal with it at all. I could have just spent $900+ a month on rent with money i will never see again or invest in a $1,200 a month home that i can get something out of it. Had i realized how difficult it was to obtain a home i probably would have just gotten an apartment. And that’s not even half the battle, i still have to do a home inspection and then be responsible for all the appliances there, if something goes wrong with one of them i may have to replace them if they can’t be repaired. However it turns out though, because it may be possible something will go awry and i won’t get the place, if that’s the case though i’ll be seriously disappointed because i already had gone through all this stress in order to get it and it was all for nothing but having to deal with apartment living longer. It could add or lessen the stress levels, but if i get the home i can get information on the year of all the appliances and go from there.

As i am typing this, it’s about 11am on Saturday, i was going to go grocery shopping to get a few things, but being stressed out i got lazy. I don’t think people realize what stress really does to me and i am thinking i may need help, thankfully if i get this new place there’s a church 20 minutes away with some help, hopefully with some prayers and what not that i can find some way of not being as stressed out or at the very least be able to convince my father than i cannot deal with these stresses that come up. I am also listening to some music so that is definitely calming me.

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Is that your only entertainment? (Spoiling your desire)
To blow your minds on a one-way track
From a distance…

Building knowledge out of flexible existence
Hunt for adrenaline is staggering, grand lack of emotions
You’ll never face conclusions, you’ll get what you want
Am I really an exception?

Is that your only entertainment? (Spoiling your desire)
To blow your minds on a one-way track
I tell you a lie and you make it a statement (Sleeping in denial)
You’re all wasting the time of your lives

Distance – Soilwork

This is been me for quite awhile now. At least feeling like i am wasting my life. Eh, not entirely but i work all week and then when i come home for the weekend i’m mostly watching tv, playing videogames or surfing the internet. I used to work in retail and i never had enough money to do anything. Fast forward to day i work in a factory and i came to notice many of the people there get drunk and party. Well that’s not really my thing, especially as an introvert.

So this song kinda fits that but including with me i tend to do the same things. Stuff that is probably meaningless but i do it anyway. And having to clean my apartment (and sleeping) i really felt like i wasted my weekend. Well i needed to clean my apartment, is one thing and i didn’t get to spend a whole lot of time cleaning (more like i need to organize) but i do question what i am doing with my time. I don’t get to hang out with friends that often anymore (mostly because they’re all busy) and finding metalhead friends is so far and few between as it is. I’m not that introverted to the point where i need to isolate myself from all human contact but it hasn’t been as simple as it used to be to find new friends that actually have the time to be friends. Most of the people i either hang out with now are people (at work) or my dad, stepmom and my stepsister. And while i mostly am just talking to people i’m friends with at work sometimes i’d like to go out and do something.

As i’m typing this, Sunday is practically over. I have to get ready for the work week in which i don’t get to be at home, i’m at my fathers place all week. That does really need to change, but i have not found a closer place to work yet. Been trying to find a townhouse with an attached garage. With the limiting funds though it’s not easy. While i am making more i have a income to debt ratio especially when i have a limit of money in my savings. Buying a new home is costly, but it’s either that or spending near as much every month for an apartment. And i am tired of apartment living. In any case this is a strain on me to find a closer place, either that or i’ll have to start driving home daily, which puts more wear and tear on my old vehicle. I don’t mind the mileage as the maintenance is kept up, but the roads here tear up vehicles. And having a pet at home, a cat this makes matters even worse. She likes being home apposed to my dad’s and i think it’s because of too many people/animals there. 2 cats and a dog. So i definitely need to find a new place pronto not only for my sake but my cat. But, at this point nothing is found. I may have to sacrifice getting a place with a garage but also my car is being used as a garage. It’s tacky, hence the requirement to find a place that has a garage, plus i don’t have to dust/scrape off my car in the mornings.

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