Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘frustration’

Pain and peril, mutation of me.
Alone I’ve dwelled in the dark surrounding me.
Chained in hell by the new one in me.
It found a way from hell defiling my dreams.

Afraid to lose control of it all.
Afraid to go insane in the dark.
Afraid to lose myself in it all.
Afraid to let my ghosts call the shots.

Pain and peril, delusions set free.
I’ve paid the price in the night of a misty dream.
Change and peril, the darkness calls me.
They came through me, from hell beneath the trees.

Afraid to lose control of it all.
Afraid to go insane in the dark.
Afraid to lose myself in it all.
Afraid to let my ghosts bring my fall.

Rain of fire protects me.
From death, the sinister haven.
I, the wolf, on top of mountains howl.
Strong and tall above the other hordes.

With strength I fought the demons away.
Attached on skin but through fur they can’t come in.

In pain I fought the demons away.
Attached on skin but through fur they can’t come in.

I found it harder to come back.
I found the surface more dark
than its been before and I’ve
been fighting for a long time.

Why am I afraid to be alive?
What have I done to feel confined?
What did I do to feel this way?
The only thing I feel is the pain.

The pain.

I’ve seen my holocaust.

Rain of fire protects me.
From death, the sinister haven.
I, the wolf, on top of mountains howl.
Strong and tall above the other hordes.

Scarred by the faceless demons I’ve been
Scarred by my flesh-eating thoughts I’ve been
Scarred to the point where the pain, it won’t stop

I needed to hear this song because besides different meanings this song speaks what I am currently facing (see last posts) why am I so afraid of relationships or friendships?

Among the reasons why I don’t consider relationships the main reason is i can’t handle them. But also I’m afraid of friendships so I stick to colleagues. Among failing to see the facts that the ones I like are not obtainable. Perhaps it’s me. I don’t really know but this song resonates this. Also here’s another along the same theme.

The price of existence.
Our stagnant bodies bound
in a time of the living.
And nothing’s what it’s been.

I have drowned in this vague world.
We pretend, but the madness always on deep
inside our sleeping state, where our black thoughts thrive.

I can’t be, the only one.
That sees this, that feels the fumes from the motors.
Delusions starts to eat the world as we know it.
Can we ever change ourselves, the strange?

And in myself I feel that I’m always outside the reality.
And inside my fragile me lies the truth concealed.
Hidden deep down in me.

Failure of resistance.
Welcome, the wave of rage.
So far in the distance, but so close in our blood and veins.

I’ll fight this sentence.
Nothing’s real inside this scope.
I’ll fight my condition.
Nothing will ever break or harm, us strange.

Strange.

We’re hiding the knifes, scared of what we’ll meet.

And in myself I feel that I’m always outside the reality.
And inside my fragile me lies the truth concealed. Hidden deep down in me.

We’ll face them all.
We’ll face them all.
We’ll take it all.
We’ll take it all.

How can I be so afraid of living?
We’re the ghosts of this world.

I’m tired of this mess.
I’m tired of thoughts eating myself from the inside out.

I’ve waited so long and the only thing I know.
No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be free.

But nothing seems to ever unfold.
At least my sight calms somewhat.
I’m living this curse and I don’t know what to feel inside me now.

The filth, the black has almost swallowed me.
In a time, where the compulsions have start to feast.
I’ve been drowned by the sickness that’s controlling me.
In a time where no-one seems care one bit.

I can’t be, the only one.
That sees this, that feels the fumes from the motors.
Delusions starts to eat the world as we know it.
Can we ever change ourselves, the strange?

Strange.

We’re hiding the knifes, scared of what we’ll meet.

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

….Having Pets Instead Of Kids Should Be Considered A Psychiatric Disorder

I don’t agree. My last post on this subject, Overpopulation crisis, is not having kids selfish? still holds true for me. Matt Walsh also did a blog on this, We couldn’t afford to have kids yet that still doesn’t change my thoughts on this subject. Life is too stressful to really have an urge to want children. I struggle with anxiety with the smallest of problems. Just the idea of me having children is too overwhelming. Everyone else that doesn’t want children probably go through the same thought process as me or thinking a similar thing for a different reason. Such as the finances. Having a child is by no means cheap, one child is more expensive then buying a $500,000 home. While more than likely you’ll be married with someone else so you will have additional support with family as well there is no telling what will occur. So i will list some reasons i don’t want to have children.

    1. I already deal with too much stress. I need to reduce the stress in my life, not add to it. You can see some of my previous posts on how stress overwhelms me and i get anxiety when it gets to a certain level. While i tend to only look at the negative, it’s just something that i have to deal with and the best way to deal with it is to avoid negative or stressful situations. If i get too much anxiety i can get a nervous breakdown and then i’ll be in trouble. I don’t deal with life situations the way everyone else does, if something is stressing me out i need to leave it!
    2. I’m not a people person. I do like talking and socializing to people from time to time, but as an introvert i need time to myself. Having kids, i would be around people all the time and i really can’t do that.
    3. I don’t want kids… because someone says i should have them or think i am more than capable of handling them. Such as the people in this article you don’t know my life situations, nor do you know what i can or can’t handle. I can’t handle a whole lot. It becomes too much. Sorry, just because you think i could handle having kids doesn’t mean i should have kids. At this point in time i won’t regret not having them and i don’t think i’ll regret having them in the future. I do not want the responsibility of caring for children.
    4. The world is in constant chaos. Think Chicago shootings, Google that and get back to me. That’s just a sliver of the problems in this world. The president of the United States, Donald Trump has sparked outrage and this seems like a clear indication of a 2nd Civil War if people do not calm themselves.
    5. Plenty of others have the urge… to reproduce. No seriously, there’s people who have more than 8 children. The world has plenty of people in this world. No, seriously it’s not a big deal if i don’t have kids. As much as some people may think we need to put more ethical, spiritual children on this planet there is always the opportunity to teach the ones that are already in this world for those willing to learn.

More people on this planet will not solve the worlds problems. We need to put the right people in charge to fix the problems. Anyone can become a doctor, a scientist, a lawyer or a politician but it takes a person of special skills in those areas to get things done properly, if said person uses their powers for good. And some will step up to the plate. There are people in this world who already are capable of fixing the worlds problems. It’s whether or not they know it yet. And if i ever do decide to have kids, i’ll adopt. Not that it will happen or that i will ever be ready for it, it’s just that would be the next logical step. I believe we need to help others already in this world, not bring more people into this world. And who knows, maybe i do have a mental disorder. It certainly isn’t because i don’t want children but because i get stressed out over little things.

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: