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Edit: I get the feeling she might be interested but is really scared. I got crazy waves of affection. She may really like me but either doesn’t know how I feel or doesn’t know how to handle it. The guys at work are usually talking about women sexually and maybe shes not that type of girl for a 1 night fling. I’m overthinking this but when you’re hit by consistent waves of feelings and a throbbing headache you cant help but wonder. So ill take it easy and when shes ready I’ll be waiting for her.

Original post:

I managed to find out my crush’s name which I wont mention for privacy but it seems she’s not very interested because soon as she mentioned her name she ran off to go talk to this other guy.

Now there can be other reasons why she did this but the fact she did may be because shes interested in this other guy which I will respect. And while talking to a couple of my co workers they seem to think we’d make a great couple but I mentioned yeah that would be nice if she didn’t seem frightened or not interested so I told them that I want to take it easy and just say hello in the morning.

Of course I’ve been getting headaches and a sense there was a connection between us so I figured there was something. The problem and this goes back to being forgiven was the fact I kept avoiding her. Early on when i first met her there was an instant connection. I just ignored it. Yes shes also very attractive but I didn’t notice it until I kept bumping into her. She seemed to be interested because she would seemingly search for me and I just didn’t see it until it was too late. Then I ignored her for several weeks then that’s when I gained an interest in her.

But it’s been a struggle ever since. And this last attempt just showed me that it’ll be easier just to say hello. Pushing it will only push her further way and eventually be the runner. So I’m just going to leave it be. Co workers think we would be a good couple so there is hope there. I just dont want to stress over it anymore.

Maybe one day she’ll open herself up to me or maybe those co workers will find a way. Until then I’m not going to run anymore. I also have to stop worrying and overthinking this. All I can do is wait for her. If not, well soulmates are like 1 in a million and considering the fact I felt an instant connection, really strong vibes and headaches (actually that’s a very good sign according to one of my blogger friend) I think if she left my life.. i may never find someone as amazing as her and she is very amazing. But I dont know how to get her into some sort of relationship. We barely talk. I know shes great looking and has a nice car and shes really nice. And I just know she is amazing due to the strong unspoken bond I have with her. I can talk to other women and while they may be very attractive there is no bond. No this is the first woman I met where I feel complete with her.

The problem is how to break the silence of a perfect relationship. Maybe she feels it too and is scared. Prayers for both of us that we can become closer together.

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Well it appears that my crush is no longer afraid of me, I’m hoping that. Noticed she was wearing makeup and this past week after seeing her I’ve been feeling a sense of euphoria.

Does this mean she likes me? At this point it I really hope so because it’s going to be impossible for me to try asking her to lunch again.. for fear she might do the same thing again. So I’m going to take it easy. If she really wants to do lunch, I really hope she finds a way.

Otherwise anytime i see her I’ll try to find out her name and that way anytime i see her I’ll call her by name then. Its looking good now and hope she understands that I want to take things slowly. I dont want to scare her off again. So I’m going to try to coax her that maybe she can hint she wants lunch with me.

Until then I hope it all works out. Definitely need prayers on this. Got to figure out what she wants me to do that I feel comfortable with.

Edit: On the note about basically asking her to lunch is near impossible, its doubtful she’ll try (unless shes really that interested enough to do something) or shes seeing/has someone else already. In any case, I’ll be friendly to her and work towards being work friends and maybe she’ll reveal her interest if she is interested. Although its hard to get to know someone when its 30 seconds of passing by and that’s if it’s a regular thing.

After seeing countless Facebook posts on gay parades and flags.. then seeing 2 gay guys kissing (this was full blown making out) I decided.. alright this is out of hand.

It actually got out of hand when they legalized gay marriage and a Baker to make a cake celebrating a gay wedding. It got out of hand when taxpayer money is being used to celebrate gay pride. It got out of hand when males are passing off as females and the worst yet, transgender kids.

Now I’m ok if your gay but that doesn’t mean im ok with hearing about it or seeing it everywhere. In fact its troublesome that people are so focused on this, especially news outlets and businesses. I had to cut Gillette out of my hygiene supplies due to the fact they support transgender kids, something that I don’t even tolerate.

Ever since my brother committed suicide because he was confused and hung out with the wrong people and becoming transgender the LGBT really does not care about innocent confused individuals getting hurt. They just care about building their army and force everyone to accept their way of life.

But these people are evil. Just as evil as those who have to kill an unborn child just so they don’t have to deal with the burden of a life. Now I myself dont want children and at this point I can see it not happening any time soon seeing as it’s not easy for me to talk to women I’m interested in. Even though there are additional steps I could take, at this point there’s no need to spend the money.

But this isnt about abortion, it’s about people who are forcing others that gay and transgenders are normal. The fact is, if they left kids alone and stop being all over in the media along with forcing people to do something that goes against their beliefs I wouldn’t even be typing this up. I wouldn’t share my dislike for the pride parades and 2 guys kissing on Facebook.

The fact is they would be left alone if they were not pushing it in the media and raising transgender kids. Instead they push their immorality onto everyone else just to justify their sickness. At what point is that line crossed?

They keep moving the goalposts around so they can get what they want. May God save us all, because there is way too much evil going on in modern times and our society needs saving.

Also as a side note on Facebook comments you now have LGBT supporters saying “your comments are the reason we need pride” such as this post I made they think they need more media attention. Now I think we need to come up with a way to stop these people from having this kind of power.

Even though she bailed, I sort of moved on (not really but..) I have to seek forgiveness. I realised why she bailed for two reasons. One well, being that I moved on her too quickly by asking her to meet with me during lunch. It may have scared her (and it may be possible that she does really like me but is really timid, but I’m not going to assume that yet). The other reason.. well it might be possible that I made tbe mistake with a past woman who thought I was interested in her. Early on a co worker at a retail store asked me if I liked this cashier. I thought she was attractive but it wasn’t meant that I was interested.

Well that escalated quickly into her thinking that I was interested and I asked her if we could talk during break. We managed to work that out and we had a good conversation but afterwards I ignored her.. mainly because I wasn’t really into her. She was great to talk with but early on I found out she was vegan and her Myspace (the early Myspace days) and onother blog where she broke up with her boyfriend because he didn’t share her enthusiasm with being a Christian (she left for a year to go to some Christian bible camp) and later started going on a lot about Jesus and God.

I believed in that stuff, my dad was a hardcore Christian like her.. but I’m not huge into it like I don’t share the same infinity to go to church, take a bible study group and strictly keeping friends who are the same.

I don’t hang around bad crowds, get drunk or do drugs. I dont sleep with women, I’d rather save for a special woman. Heck I won’t even tear off those mattress labels.

I fail at being a good person all the time but I try. It gets tough when someone or something makes me angry though. My father had a lot of anger issues which led me to be disinterested in Christianity. There was others who were uptight about everything and i didn’t want to end up that way. After working with many Mexicans I noticed I like how they react to different situations, a few of them get pissy every so often but there is a ton of positivity and good energy (minus some of them trying to hook me up with a woman). I’ve also started watching the early seasons of Hawaii Five-O reboot. Besides having a ton of great action I like the interaction between Steve and Danny. Many of it is hilarious, but the whole team cares about one another (like they do in NCIS and MacGyver, both versions) and I like that. My current job co workers do the same, its like I told one of my bosses that my brake lines rusted out, causing brake loss and had to use the handbrake she was like, I need a new car.. but for now I gotta work with it but she wanted me to be safe. It shows that they dont just want to be a boss, they also want you to be safe and what not.

I had too much negativity in my life which isnt good. There still is but I’m dredging through it.

Back to this woman (the one from the Myspace days) I liked her, but for 2 reasons I just couldn’t proceed through it. Her being a vegan, it scared me off because I dont know how to handle it. We talked a bit but it felt a little forced…

Fast forward to my current crush, I wonder if maybe she thinks I would stop talking to her because in the beginning I did avoid/ignore her nor I really smiled when we crossed paths. I was caught up in work and wasn’t thinking about women (I had sort of given up at that time as well after Kaitlyn). Realizing a co worker trying to set me up with another woman who ended up in my field of vision, I just wasn’t interested. Seeing how I was interested in someone else (that I just feel I have a connection with) I wanted to focus on that but really just didn’t know how to and while I still don’t I know I have to seek forgiveness with her and hopefully be able to focus on trying to forma. friendship with her. If later on we start seeing each other and end up being a couple. I’m completely all for it. I would really like that and while it’s sort of on the table, I really do hope there is potential for that.

If not, and I have to accept that willingly (because I screwed up with Kaitlyn) and at least be great friends. It’ll be difficult, especially if she already thinks I’m interested in her and want a relationship but one of the things is. I won’t do anything until both of us are ready. If she doesn’t want a relationship with me, that’s fine. I just dont want her to feel like she has to avoid me because I’m attracted to her. I don’t want to do the same because I think she isn’t interested or because I’m too scared to find out.

Really all I want is to feel comfortable around her and for her to feel the same and we can get to know one another better. I felt a ton of anxiety being around the same plant as her and even during moments of just working. And I am scared to do this but I’ll just be there and see if she passes by and start off small and slow. I wont ask her to meet for lunch or do any approaching other than maybe a brief conversation. I will just wait for us to bump into one another. I dont want any more mistakes and I really need a ton of prayers with this. Hopefully I wont feel too anxious or scared and breaking the ice for first encounter hopefully on Monday or whenever I’ll just smile and say hi that it’ll progress. A lot of prayers for many other things is needed but for one, there has to be a reason why she appeared to try to get my attention. I want to find out what that was. Maybe she does like me but gave up. Or maybe she thinks I like someone else. Who knows what else. This is a struggle but when she bailed on the lunch meet, I felt hurt by it. And I forgive her. Hopefully she can do the same, especially since it’s been three weeks since we ran into one another. So we’ll see what happens and I hope it all works out.

I feel bi polar with this and its because I’m interested in her but I’ve been hurt too many times so I’m going back and forth with this and there’s just a battle going on. Need prayers with this as well.

Also my dad is Lutheran not Catholic. I’m not really sure of the difference but most people I know are Catholic.

Considering the fact nothing has happened since I tried meeting her for lunch 2 weeks ago I’m going to have to really really try to forget about her. I have to assume these are my feelings and not hers. I have to assume she was just trying to be friendly and the reason for her staring at me and trying to find me or whatever is with that friendliness. I have no choice but to assume I have no chance with her.

A lot of assuming here which isn’t good but in my case I really need to. I can’t no longer deal with these feelings when she may not feel the same way. She may have zero interest, she may be involved with someone else.

But the facts is, nothing is happening. I’m trying to see if shes interested and so far no dice. Been 2 weeks already and not as much as some kind of hint. So its gotta stop. If she really is interested, well I’ve been leaving the ball in her court because it’s just painful to try to get courage to be able to even just have a lunch only to be shot down later on.

It was terrible but I was giving her a chance to try to do something but she wont so unfortunately, I’m out. And in my mind I was rejected yet again for the 10th time. So we’ll see what happens, the longer she waits the harder it’ll be for me to open up.

But at this point the reason I was so nervous on Monday was the fact that I am starting to think shes just got no interest. And I got a problem with handling crushes. I cant give into it anymore… this I definitely need lots of prayers for.

First of all, the cost of living is ridiculous. To make it worse the wonderful state of Illinois doubled the gas tax and car registration is now another $50. I’m already straining on buying a new car even a relatively new Honda Accord costs around $25k. That’s $25,000. Needless to say I gotta wonder if I could get a Dodge Challenger.

I love Chicago and Illinois for its wonderful weather and sights. However the politicians are a huge problem. They can’t find ways to cut expenses yet we the taxpayers are funding their huge homes and $70k vehicles. They make over $50k a year which is ridiculous when we have to pay taxes that won’t even fix the bad roads. Instead they tear up perfectly good roads and ignore the ones with crater sized potholes.

Even though gas taxes are not too terrible, you got a ton of people driving way over the speed limit which also uses more gas up. They dont seem to mind though because they’re getting upset with me for driving 55mph instead of 60mph and they dont always like me driving 60 either.

It’s gotten ridiculous with the costs and taxes.

On to the other topic so I did freak out a bit when I saw my favorite crush drive up (I could see it with the door ajar and even though the window) I was already getting ready to leave to go to the other plant but it just seems that I’m not ready to see her quite yet.

Also for Friday and Monday during her 12:30pm lunch I got this vibe of feeling anxious or anxiety. Like I wonder if she was worried I might try to talk to her again or something. I really don’t know what’s going on there… I keep rationalizing it, that’s it’s just all in my head but also I was a bit rattled when I saw her drive up. I’m not sure whether she came by my workstation because I was facing the other way letting a coworker/friend know I have done the first pass with some parts. I also kept far away when I was heading to the other plant. The only thing I can think of at the moment is maybe she’s wondering why I’m not there when she is so maybe shes worried that I’m avoiding her. Like she might feel bad for canceling the lunch.

But see I don’t know and as far as what I’m doing, I’m moving on. So maybe being in the vicinity is doing something rather than avoiding the plant entirely. So it appears to be doing something, I hope. We’ll see what happens over the week.

So yes another blog about the woman at work that I got a crush on, and actually i think it’s a really crazy for her crush. It’s almost like I’m in love with her…

Let’s back up so the day after I wrote the previous blog I came to the realization that maybe she doesn’t really know where I am at (like i was on vacation or something) so today I came in extra early in the plant she works in to do some odd stuff which was just putting unground parts into containers to toss onto these shelves we have.

It was still within view so if she walked in she would probably notice me. I also parked my car in the usual spot. I stopped parking there mainly due to the fact I can’t see around the corner to the street but I wanted to see if she knew what car i drove.

Anyways she didn’t do much of anything and I got some intense feelings throughout the morning and it was more intense during her lunch time which was like at 12:30pm

I know I gotta stop overthinking this which may be leading to these feelings, that I’m somehow manifesting them making it seem like she likes me or has some sort of feelings for me.

Unfortunately there are still many possibilities why she didn’t try anything today. She could be scared or not interested. The fact remains is that I may never know because I’m still too scared to just be at my workstation. Unfortunately after she bailed out on our lunch meet this made this problem ten times worse. I’m already uncomfortable and timid around her. The thing is, I really enjoy these feelings. It feels like I am really in love with her. That’s one reason why I’m so scared to do anything. I thought by talking to her more that these feelings would be easier to control. Because when I am around her I dont feel the strong feelings at the moment. The feelings are strongest when we are apart.

But now I’m not even curious to see if shes interested. I keep thinking she isnt even though she appeared to have an interest early on which I was automatically avoiding it. Her staring at me one day really had me thinking she had an interest in me. I avoided and ignored her for like a week before I got the nerve to say hi to her when she passed by my workstation.

A lot of it had to do with me not wanting to take the risk because of my past failures. I may discuss that in another blog but one comes to mind. The one girl who was interested in me wasnt at all what I wanted. Well ok she had big breasts which I liked, however it really stopped right there. She didn’t get along with her family and she didn’t have a positive vibe. Really I didn’t like anything about her. Her personality was dull and it was like hanging out with a guy. She ended up being a stalker.

The woman I like is almost a polar opposite of that. I didn’t even try or care about my stalker. Maybe that’s the problem. I really like this woman it’s making things difficult, but I really would enjoy my crush to stalk me. She sorta did in the beginning but I dont know what happened with that.

So I’m really just confused and unsure. It’s not even that easy for me to find someone I’m interested in and like I said it appeared that she had an interest or maybe it was the fact she noticed I was timid and she just wanted to say hi. Unfortunately the way it appeared to me is that she was interested and tried to get my attention. She sure did and unfortunately I’m obsessing over her. Everytime I try to move on and when I finally almost do, the feelings come back strong.

So yeah dont know what to do now….

If she does like me, it needs to work out somehow. If I’m just obsessing over her and she doesn’t care or whatever then this needs to stop.

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