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Archive for July 15th, 2019

Well I had a bit of a mental illness breakdown. Its all because I’m having trouble understanding whether or not my crush has an interest in me. I keep going from I think we’re cool, to this is frustrating.. especially when I see my crush hugging another guy at work. I sort of let it go then it became to I didn’t see her the next day. Was going to approach her but chickened out.

I kept thinking where are the signs if she does like me? Or the signs she doesn’t like me. A gut feeling isnt going to make me understand whether she does. I just know I like and am interested in her.

So now I’m hiding out in the other plant again but there isnt anything to do in the plant my crush works in so.. but flipping out online and a few people claiming she rejected me is just a sign to take it a notch back. If shes not interested, oh well time to move on. If she is.. going to need proof. I got guys from that plant asking me how are things going with me and her. Well I usually just say it’s ok which it is. Even one guy claimed she was single but I tried taking that with a grain of salt.

So needless to say if any of them ask how are things going, well going to flat out say “I don’t believe that shes interested in me” because at this point that’s the truth and why I can’t even approach her. Thankfully I only took my frustrations online and not really at anyone. Most of the stuff was delete-able but not what I said to a person online… which I suppose is ok.

So some time apart will do me some good. Things were starting to go great but now I need to work on controlling my fears of her not liking me and this is where I just need to find out somehow if she does. But I’m doing it passively by just sticking to the other plant for the time being. I dont know for how long or if I will even see/talk to her again. I feel like I failed a test that I can never recover from. Or I can but I have to be very careful from now on. But I just dont have a clue if she likes me or not and everytime I thought she did it ends up being questioned. The fact I dont know and dont have enough confidence prevents me from approaching her.

I dont know if she was there today though because I didn’t see her car, which at first I thought she might have been avoiding me. This is crazy, it something most people can do but I happen to be one where its completely impossible for me to accomplish. So I need prayers. Either shes not interested and I need to move on or she is and I need to know in order to move forward. Because at this point I dont think she does and I’m just not going to see her anymore. If she does like me well.. hopefully something will happen. If not, I pray I never meet anyone else because the same thing will just happen with another woman. And there’s someone online who likes me but they’re too far away and I’m not interested so its easier to leave it alone. Hopefully there is nothing needing to forgive but I feel guilty for saying a few things I shouldn’t have like I wish she’d go away… just overall feelings of anger and frustration. Need a ton of prayers that I can be more calm if this situation is being confronted again. Just glad I didn’t say this to anyone at work.

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